Have you ever walked into a house with pets and noticed a particular odor? If you’re not used to that environment it remains unpleasant. Oftentimes pet owners don’t recognize it and walk around their home like it's normal. This experience is known as olfactory adaptation. It’s when our brain becomes less receptive to repeated odor exposure. The olfactory receptors stop sending strong signals to your brain and the recognition of the odor diminishes. On St. Martin, there’s a pervading stench we must not become immune to and it is called abuse. The murder of Claire Pryce should be a strong signal to our brain that we need to cleanse our community.
It is not fair to our women in particular that we live unaware of the horrors of abuse. If we know abuse is repulsive, evil and shameful, then there must be a condemnation to uproot it from within our culture. It thrives off our fear which leads to this mass silence. Generations continue passing down heirlooms of muzzles to keep from “bringing shame to the family” or “telling people your business”. This shields abusers from accountability and withholds justice from victims. Being our brother’s or sister’s keeper is a value that cannot fade. It’s easy to say “that’s not my problem” until it knocks on your door or someone you know. The discomfort talking about abuse places a mask over the masses. It's time we acknowledge it and remove the ghastly nature of this stench.
From personal experience I understand why we often choose to remain silent. Calling out abuse and wrongdoing isn’t glamorous, it's scary. Especially when it can cost you your livelihood or opportunities. However we must ask ourselves if our silence is worth the destruction of another person’s life. This is where we challenge ourselves to form values that shape how we respond in crisis or moral dilemmas. At the root of abuse is the power imbalance which paralyzes victims and makes them feel helpless. The condemnation has to begin with those in positions of power or influence.
Reports published globally consistently show that men overwhelmingly are perpetrators of abuse in domestic or intimate partner cases. As a man, I’m pleading with fellow men for us to champion rooting out this pariah. Why men? Because we’ve been the dominant hand that molded our culture and exacted control over other humans. Abuse against women, children and other men is unacceptable. We have to establish that principle.
It begins with calling it out in our proximity by establishing that no friendship, opportunity or compensation is worth your silence. Also note that asking someone who’s been/being abused what they did to deserve it is ridiculous. It is never the fault of the victim as there is no excuse for abuse. We must collectively agree that self control and respect ought to be a trait of manhood we uphold. Our voice and disapproval creates a safe space for victims to speak up or receive support as needed. Words are powerful, and how we speak creates the framework for our behavior.
Advocacy must extend to petitioning our governing system to create policies alongside experts and organizations which are in the field working to resolve the impact of abuse on parties involved; including them into all sectors on the island. This entails strengthening our legal system which abusers seem to skirt. What we perceive as weak penalties often mean abusers receive a few years imprisonment after committing their heinous acts. A sex offender registry and other legal measures that work best for our community ought to be explored. Most importantly, deep rehabilitation is necessary. 100% reformation isn’t guaranteed, but for those who return into society, sincere efforts to educate and transform their minds and behaviors must be deployed.
The reality we face is that for those abusers who’ve faced the law, our social environment doesn’t have enough guardrails to condemn it. There is a high possibility of repeat offenders. Too many abusers walk unashamed and unafraid while a slew of victims stumble over their traumas. This is where our collective agreement comes in to forge a safe and hospitable nation. Respect and value for the lives of women, girls and boys must be deeply rooted and protected. How can we be comfortable seeing the (gruesome) end of a woman’s life; the very one that brings new life into the world? It begins by seeing women and girls as human beings. Simple right? It is their right to exist without the constant fear of being abused. Equally value them as we do ourselves; no matter who they are or what they do.
Men, we have to step up. We need to teach our children, especially our boys, to love, nurture and protect. Without it, children grow up broken, prideful, hardened, angry, and destructive which continues the cycle of abuse. We need a culture of love. That is how we retain our identity as the Friendly Island. That is how we get rid of the stench. Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, nor act disgracefully. Love is not boastful, it doesn’t seek its own way, it does not provoke, nor is it evil. Love does not rejoice in unrighteousness but in truth. Love bears, believes, hopes and endures. Love never fails. God is love. All those traits of love can be found in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.
My condolences to the friends and family of Claire.
Ralph Cantave
